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Lawyer Jokes

What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A Doberman pinscher

Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?

They don’t become so attached to the lawyers.

What do lawyers use as contraceptives?

Their personalities.

Why don’t sharks attack lawyers?

Professional Courtesy

Do you know the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

One is an evil, blood-sucking creature of darkness and the other is a bat.

What is the difference between lawyer and a catfish?

One is a slimy, bottom-feeding scavenger and the other is a fish.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish?

One is a nasty, spineless blob. The other is an ocean creature.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech.

After you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood.

How can you tell when a lawyer takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a duck?

A duck won’t try to shove his bill up your a**.

How did the near-sighted lawyer break his nose?

He chased a parked ambulance.

Why do coyote eat road kill after they eat a lawyer?

To get the bad taste out of their mouth.

What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.